The conversation at dinner revolved around the theme of….obsession. This was a welcome topic, as the night before we’d discussed the “sex talk” the middle schoolers had that day in health class and my mind nearly exploded at the transparency of the entire thing. I couldn’t believe my 12-year-old had been asked to put a condom on his finger or that he was now asking me “why they needed to be flavored anyway” when he’d noticed the green apple label on the wrapper. Eden had gawked at me as I bumbled through a response, her 8-year-old mind unable to fathom my honest answer.
Did I put a condom on my finger in middle school, I wondered?
I was equal parts incredulous and impressed with health class.
Yes. Obsession was a less intense topic tonight.
I listed mine, being careful to list only things that were decidedly non human and inedible.
- Thumb holes on sleeves
- My vegetable spiralizer
- The word “indestructible”
- Fleece-covered hot water bottles
None of these items provided much enthusiasm at dinner, but it started me on a list binge. The next one…impatience. The homework dragged on that night and I suddenly felt ever-impatient. Beyond endless homework I was also impatient for the following:
- The fancy jelly beans only sold at Easter
- A cure for Parkinson’s Disease
- The passing of adolescence
- The sprouting of the basil I planted every June
- The finale of The Bachelor
- Every mile marker at the end of a marathon
As I lay in bed I then listed the things I couldn’t understand.
- Donald Trump’s hair
- The tax code
- Stretch marks
- The popularity of fluffy cat videos
- Leg warmers
- The premise behind the movie Batman v Superman
Tomorrow night’s dinner topic…Sports, the meal, Taylor Swift.
Things decidedly less likely to produce… an obsession, a moment of impatience, a list or a reference to green apples. Definitely no green apples.